WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE IS A
COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT FOR THE LAW
Play It:
For the arcade only.
Story:
Um, you're a cop. Go stop some bad guys. This is purely conjecture on my part, so if anyone knows if there is some bigger picture I'm missing, let me know.
Graphics:
Ugh. Well, I must admit the environments look better than Virtua Cop 1 and 2 on the fact that there aren't HUGE gaps between the polygons. However, it may be because only the characters are made of polygons (I'm not sure. I'm not an expert at this shit.) However, the backgrounds look worse than VC 1 & 2. The graphics department definitely slacked off here.
Sound:
Can't hear the music, as is par for an arcade machine. Sounds effects are also par. Voice acting is sparse, but absolutely terrible. The lines spewed by the enemy characters are the most utterly retarded things I've ever heard in a game. Enemies refer to you as an "idiot" (ooh, what are we in, 3rd grade?) despite you blasting a bloody swath through them.
Difficulty:
Moderate. About the same difficulty as VC, except with no life-ups. However, no lock-ons means you don't know who to shoot first.
Enjoyment:
Well, the game is pretty much a clone of Virtua Cop: polygonal shooter; police motif; cool cop cars; and they even left the cops mute. It's not on the same level, but at least they duplicated the fun factor as well.
Replay Value:
No, not really. Although my college's gameroom has a machine, so I often try out the firing range and kill at least 25 minutes between classes on 50 cents. It's a much better value than the Missile Command and Galaga next to it anyway.
Rant Section:
Total Vice, eh? What kind of name is that? It's like, "TOTAL VICE! Because this ain't some fucking half crime nigga, this is a COMPLETE SIN!" Sign me up Konami!
So I put in my 2 quarters (why you overcharge me Harper?) and get a sequence depicting the story: Somewhere in the city, a dude with a gun jumps onto a car and opens fire with a handgun. A van explodes... twice. Suddenly, an assault helicopter flys in and starts strafing a helpless police officer. Then, the Virtua... er, Total Vice cops pull up in their cool custom-built Viper squad car, and presumably get out and fight, but Konami didn't want to spend time actually creating an avatar to represent them.
Onto the first level. A gang of bikers have decided to rob a convenience store, because bikers are just plain dicks. Once, they broke into my house (which happened to be a mall at the time) and let a couple hundred zombies inside. They also killed my pilot buddy, but he was kinda a prat anyway and I don't know why I hung out with him anymore.
For the arcade only.
Story:
Um, you're a cop. Go stop some bad guys. This is purely conjecture on my part, so if anyone knows if there is some bigger picture I'm missing, let me know.
Graphics:
Ugh. Well, I must admit the environments look better than Virtua Cop 1 and 2 on the fact that there aren't HUGE gaps between the polygons. However, it may be because only the characters are made of polygons (I'm not sure. I'm not an expert at this shit.) However, the backgrounds look worse than VC 1 & 2. The graphics department definitely slacked off here.
Sound:
Can't hear the music, as is par for an arcade machine. Sounds effects are also par. Voice acting is sparse, but absolutely terrible. The lines spewed by the enemy characters are the most utterly retarded things I've ever heard in a game. Enemies refer to you as an "idiot" (ooh, what are we in, 3rd grade?) despite you blasting a bloody swath through them.
Difficulty:
Moderate. About the same difficulty as VC, except with no life-ups. However, no lock-ons means you don't know who to shoot first.
Enjoyment:
Well, the game is pretty much a clone of Virtua Cop: polygonal shooter; police motif; cool cop cars; and they even left the cops mute. It's not on the same level, but at least they duplicated the fun factor as well.
Replay Value:
No, not really. Although my college's gameroom has a machine, so I often try out the firing range and kill at least 25 minutes between classes on 50 cents. It's a much better value than the Missile Command and Galaga next to it anyway.
Rant Section:
Total Vice, eh? What kind of name is that? It's like, "TOTAL VICE! Because this ain't some fucking half crime nigga, this is a COMPLETE SIN!" Sign me up Konami!
So I put in my 2 quarters (why you overcharge me Harper?) and get a sequence depicting the story: Somewhere in the city, a dude with a gun jumps onto a car and opens fire with a handgun. A van explodes... twice. Suddenly, an assault helicopter flys in and starts strafing a helpless police officer. Then, the Virtua... er, Total Vice cops pull up in their cool custom-built Viper squad car, and presumably get out and fight, but Konami didn't want to spend time actually creating an avatar to represent them.
Onto the first level. A gang of bikers have decided to rob a convenience store, because bikers are just plain dicks. Once, they broke into my house (which happened to be a mall at the time) and let a couple hundred zombies inside. They also killed my pilot buddy, but he was kinda a prat anyway and I don't know why I hung out with him anymore.
You chase them out of the store and into the subway.
3 try to ride off on bikes, the rest take the subway. Well, I guess all
those bikes would have wasted more money in gas than the store could have
possibly yielded. Everyone ends up at the city dump, which I guess means
it's their hideout. Now on their turf, you are accosted by their leader,
the generically named Skull, who just one-ups every single one of his
subordinates by referring to you as a (quote) "filthy idiot"
(unquote.) Well, he is packing a chain gun, which I guess he must
have used to force the dredges of society into joining his band.
In the next mission, a bunch of terrorists have taken over a building for unknown reasons. On the roof, you come across their leader (ready for this?) Funk. Well, at least that name isn't a total cliché. Hmmm... could this terrorist cell be in fact the notorious 'Funk Gun'?
In the next mission, a bunch of terrorists have taken over a building for unknown reasons. On the roof, you come across their leader (ready for this?) Funk. Well, at least that name isn't a total cliché. Hmmm... could this terrorist cell be in fact the notorious 'Funk Gun'?
This would be where I'd put a screenshot to base my
joke, but amazingly, no one else has captured an image of this artist's
enigmatic message in the first level. Oh, and yes, this is a real screenshot.
After a helicopter chase through the city, you destroy
the chopper and send MC Hammer down. Okay, I'm making it sound a lot cooler
than it is. The chopper merely goes up in flames, and then Funk falls
out of the aircraft that miraculously remains stable.
Level 3 involves breaking up a guns/drugs/something deal. The assault team makes a stealth entry by helicopter, landing just outside the warehouse. This awesome idea backfires as they are discovered and a shootout commences. The enemy makes an escape via a hovercraft. Fortunately, they are as equally subtle as the police. The vice cops follow their big conspicuous watercraft back to their main base of operations.
After doing a thorough job blowing away all the underlings, the trademark head-honcho-in-a-white-suit remains. His name? King. Go figure. After barbecuing his ass, you are treated to a biography of each big bad boy as he is processed. Wait, didn't Funk fall out a chopper flying above the city? Didn't King land on an open electrical grid and get fried? I'm sure their bios contained some more piss-poor blather, but you have approximately 2.3 seconds to read it before it vanishes, and I just wasn't able to read that fast.
Bottom Line:
A poor man's Virtua Cop. Not great but maybe worth a few quarters if you've got time to kill.
Level 3 involves breaking up a guns/drugs/something deal. The assault team makes a stealth entry by helicopter, landing just outside the warehouse. This awesome idea backfires as they are discovered and a shootout commences. The enemy makes an escape via a hovercraft. Fortunately, they are as equally subtle as the police. The vice cops follow their big conspicuous watercraft back to their main base of operations.
After doing a thorough job blowing away all the underlings, the trademark head-honcho-in-a-white-suit remains. His name? King. Go figure. After barbecuing his ass, you are treated to a biography of each big bad boy as he is processed. Wait, didn't Funk fall out a chopper flying above the city? Didn't King land on an open electrical grid and get fried? I'm sure their bios contained some more piss-poor blather, but you have approximately 2.3 seconds to read it before it vanishes, and I just wasn't able to read that fast.
Bottom Line:
A poor man's Virtua Cop. Not great but maybe worth a few quarters if you've got time to kill.