MAGNUM SCHWARTZ

Play It:
For the Arcade, Playstation and Saturn (as part of Lethal Enforcers 1&2), Genesis, SEGA CD, and SNES.



Story:
Well, lets see... the closest thing you get to an introduction is a rip-off of a Dirty Harry movie (see title for a clue which one.) The manual says: You're a new officer to the police force (Whichever it is. It would appear to be Chicago.) Its your job to go and clean up the city.

The instruction manual gives you a personal introduction from the captain or whoever it is. I won't bother to recite it as it is riddled full of clichés you've probably heard if you've watched any cop movies or series. Go shoot stuff. That's all you need to know.



Graphics:
Early 90's.



Sound:
Ah, depends on what you got. I'm not sure about the original arcade music, but the SNES and Playstation music is atrocious. The Genesis version probably has the best soundtrack. The SEGA CD one has CD quality (well, what did you expect?) which is definitely higher quality, but I don't think it sounds as good. Think of it this way: one car has a better paintjob, but the colors are ugly or clashing. The other car isn't painted as well, but it looks sweeter and has some bitchin' hood flames. Not much speech. Innocents scream ("Don't shoot; they're crazy!" Uh, yeah) and the gangsters spout out some trash talkin' such as the immortal "You missed me, pig!"



Difficulty:
Not so easy, especially for the SEGA ports. Totally old school. Things were much harder back then. Strange thing is that Normal difficulty seems to be harder than Hard setting. You do get a few more lives on the harder settings, but continues are harder to earn. I've beaten Hard, but I haven't actually beaten a game on Normal yet. What's up with that?



Enjoyment:
Variable. The thing that sucks about this game is that there was no "best port." Each home port is lacking in some way. The Playstation port comes close, but the music sounds bad. The SNES is even worse. Not only is the music completely horrible, the game is also choppy as hell. All that hype about Blast Processing wasn't propaganda after all! The characters actually stop between frames and it takes them 5 seconds just to stand up. However they fire really fast to compensate. The actual frames have been slashed too. I don't think the bad guys even had death frames and simply flashed out of existence. I do remember that the guys doing flips would stop in midair and fall straight down to the ground, which is actually pretty hilarious. For about 3 seconds. Also, there was some censorship where The Drug Dealer level was renamed The Gun Runners and the Chemical Plant had the word Sabotage tacked on at the end. If I remember right, they even removed the blood from when you get shot. The Genesis and SCD version are about the best, but there are some truly flabbergasting omissions in both of them. All the destructible objects were removed! Boo! Also, many arcade touches like the guy in the trunk were removed. Plus, there was a quality quota added where you had to have an acceptable accuracy and avoid killing innocents in order to proceed. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it jacks up the difficulty, but I'm sure a good portion of you probably just thought: "What!?! Accuracy requirements!?! Fuck that shit! This game sucks!"

Normally, the default gun sounds on caliber with Dirty Harry's piece, even though it is NOT a magnum. However, you do obtain a Magnum, which actually sounds weaker than the default gun, which ain't right. Both the SEGA and SNES ports tone down your normal gunshots to a pussy little pop, although that does fix the magnum vs. revolver sound problem. Next, all versions except for the Playstation took out the slang (use of "copper" and "pig"), and I think all the home ports have removed the female criminals from the Bank Robbery, although they left the Chinatown chicks in for some reason. The arcade version is the definitive one, although not many of you could probably afford one... Still, this game game kicks, and if you never played the arcade, you won't notice what you are missing. 2 player and double gunning it is possible, although the latter is not particularly fun... Just remember kids, you need both a blue and a pink Justifier.



Replay:
None at all.





Rant Session:
Well, I pretty much said everything already. Oh wait, there is the assault rifle, to which I hereby present the award "Most Worthless Powerup." The draw of this weapon is its semiautomatic firing (1 trigger pull = 3 bullets.) I mean, more firepower is great, right? Not really since everyone dies in one hit (same with VC, but you could 3-point them at least) and you've got an accuracy quota to fulfill if you've got the SEGA ports. The 3 bullet rule means that for every hit you make, you miss 2 shots unless there are 2 bad guys standing really close to each other, in which case you only miss once. Basically your accuracy is at best around 1/3 hits. No matter how good you are, it is impossible to beat a level using the assault rifle. This is a powerup that will actually screw over your chance of success.





Bottom Line:
This should be a prerequisite for anyone in Gunstars 101 (listed as GST 101 on page 455 of your course manual.)

Back----------Home
All HTML/web design copyright 2004 stickghost. All rights reserved. Lethal Enforcers and all related items are the property of Konami.